Now you know why they're called "munchies":   Scientists in today's edition of "Nature" magazine think that chocolate, the dusky brown substance of our dreams, harbors a chemical within it that mimics the effects of cannabis.   Which is to say, pot, grass, wacky tabacky -- marijuana. You may never look at a brownie the same way again.  

What does this mean? Does a single nibble of a creamy, rich Dove Bar start you down the slippery path to a Volkswagen van and a chestful of Grateful Dead bootlegs? Does one crisp-ity, crunch-ity Butterfinger obligate you to renting the entire Cheech and Chong video library? Could this possibly explain why the favorite expression of the chocolate-producing city of Hershey, Pennsylvania is "Far Freakin' Out"? Given this new information, the existence of those talking M&Ms suddenly makes a lot more sense.

Before we all start mobbing the malls for those Jerry Garcia ties, we should take a step back and see what the scientists were actually looking at.   The scientists, located at San Diego's Neurosciences Institute, were looking at a substance called "anandamide".   Anandamide is a brain lipid, which is a precise way of calling it what it is -- a kind of fat.

Anandamide doesn't just sit there in your skull, being chunky and laughing at brain chemicals who are on the Jenny Craig program -- the scientists speculate that it acts as a neurotransmitter, a chemical that helps send messages in the brain.   Picture a portly mail carrier waddling between brain cells, and you're in the ball park.

The scientists think that anandamide works on the same receptors in your brain that the chemicals in cannabis do.   Chocolate figures into this because, if you were to look at a very complex list of ingredients for our little brown friend, you'd find anandamide there -- three different kinds.   It's just packed with lipidy goodness! So when you eat chocolate, your brain gets more or less the same sensations it would get if you were locked in a closet, breathing in the second-hand smoke of a guy nicknamed "Reefer Bob."

Alarmists should note that even before this discovery, chocolate has long been known to harbor chemicals that make the DEA twitch.   In addition to anandamide, chocolate also contains such hard-to-pronounce gems such as theobromine (which juices up your central nervous system, stimulates your appetite, and makes you want to go to the bathroom) serotonin (another neurotransmitter) and phenylethylamine, which sounds like something that keeps your engine from pinging, but is in fact related to amphetamines.   And of course, we can't forget good old caffeine, your jittery pal from the morning shift.

This news may come as a shock to legions of chocoholics, many of whom have never intentionally taken a drug more potent than a Tums.   Fortunately, none of chocolate's chemicals are around in high enough concentrations to cause anyone any serious problems (unless you're injecting it directly into your skull, in which case you have other things to worry about).   But let's face it, folks.   Chocolate isn't as popular as it is just because it tastes good.   Come on.   You knew it all along.   We're all chocolate junkies.

I'm counting myself in this crowd -- since I don't drink coffee, I have a cup of hot chocolate every morning to get going.   Lately the office supply has run out and it hasn't been replaced.   In weeks.   I and my cocoa-mate Megan sit at our desks in the morning, darkly muttering about conspiracies.   If we actually catch the supply guy, there's going to be a mugging.

My wife's chocolate supply ranges from chocolate graham crackers to a fiercely hoarded box of truffles to a pint of Double Chocolate Fudge Ripple Ice cream, which is so rich it actually files in a higher tax bracket than we do.   I even glance in the direction of the ice cream and my wife starts growling.   She has her priorities straight on this one.